I’ll be honest, this mother’s day I was crushed. Well, to be accurate, it was the Saturday, the day before. I just wanted to cry.

Both my kids are far away and it has been far too long since I saw them last. Facetime and Zoom are just not the same.

For the first time, I have no plan for when I will see them next. Knowing when I will see them next, or that I could just hop on a plane to visit them when I miss them, has always been my coping mechanism.

This week also marks the 5 year anniversary since my mother passed away. The anniversary is usually enough of a reason for me to be raw (a known trigger for me).

During the past few weeks, with the increasing death toll from this pandemic, the fact that so many people were dying alone was not leaving me. It is heartbreaking for those who left us, and those who stayed behind.

Sitting by my mother’s side as she took her last breaths was a heartrending experience. As much as it has haunted me at times I have been thankful to have been there with her.

Yes, this week this whole pandemic really got to me. Like many others I have had enough. And I know we have not reached the end.

My family is the most important thing to me, yet I have no control over when I will see them next. I’ve been thinking of all the other people who are missing family members, mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, siblings, partners. The people who have been alone for weeks.

The world was looking very grim.

That is not how I wanted Mother’s Day to be. I also knew that spending the whole Sunday crying would not be helpful. So with tears in my eyes on Saturday afternoon, I sat down to start writing this blog. I knew that putting it all into words would be therapeutic.

As I wrote the words, it was good to let it out. It was also easier to remind myself that I have a lot to be thankful for. I am  isolating with my loving husband and our 2 dogs. And though the rest of the family is far, they are fine.

I took a deep breath and told myself that this too will pass. We will see each other again.

I took my dogs for a walk around the neighborhood, to change the environment a little, and breathe some fresh air.

I stopped to take in the many blossoming trees. I appreciated the New England grass turning green. I saw some beauty around me.

I pulled myself out of the darkness.

Sunday was a mother’s day like no other. Yep, it wasn’t a wonderful day, but I managed to enjoy what we did have, and to look forward to being together sometime in the future.

When you are down what helps you come out of it?

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