Recently I was coaching a manager and their employee. The employee mentioned that they often feel that the manager is upset with them. The manager was surprised to hear it. They said that there is a lot going on in general and it is not anything personal.

It reminded me of when earlier in our marriage my husband would sometimes come home from work and seem frustrated. My first thought was that he is upset with me. In my head I would be thinking of all these things that I did or said that upset him, or the things that I should have done or the things that he did, or should have done. I was making up wonderful stories in my mind that were not helpful to our relationship.

The kids  were young, there would be things to do when he came in and there wasn’t time for a full heart to heart conversation. I learnt to ask a very simple question:

Are you upset with me or is it work or something?

I would get a quick straight answer. 99% of the time it was nothing to do with me. The result, instead of me being distant, defensive and making up stories about what is wrong between us, I could give him a kiss, a hug and support him.

I told the employee and the manager this story. Both their responses were: “Yes please just ask me straight out if I am upset with you.” No kisses and hugs but also no ill feelings. They also liked it as good advice for their marriage…

Our brain is designed to register negative information around us and alert us of upcoming danger. We are quick to take in negative cues (someone is upset), find the negative interpretations to situations (if they are upset, they must be upset with me). Our mind takes a cue and we build whole stories around it. We are also often unaware of how we are showing our emotions (do I look upset?), and how others are interpreting our behavior.

Watch the FREE webinar Mindful Mindset: Gain Control of Your Emotions, Thoughts and Actions. You will learn strategies to gain awareness of how you feel, pause before you react, consider other options, and take appropriate actions.

Take control of your thoughts and actions!

Change your: Feelings -> Thoughts -> Words -> Actions -> Habits -> Character -> Destiny!