Last week we started our discussion about maintaining a positive attitude throughout the job search. I hope that you have been practicing the first strategy, and have been telling yourself “I am excited”.
We are all different. Some strategies will work better for some and some better for others. It is worth trying them all and seeing what works for you. I found that reframing the way I feel in certain situations really helps me. In the exact same way that you can reframe your anxiousness in a certain situation to excitement, you can reframe other feelings. For example, if someone upsets me and I feel angry, I tell myself that I am a little annoyed instead of angry. This helps me deal with the situation in a more productive way because if I tell myself that I am angry, it usually just makes me angrier. Telling myself that I am a little annoyed helps me better evaluate the situation and calm down.
I was talking with my 22-year-old son about this series of blogs that I have been writing. I started with last week’s strategy and he looked at me and said: “I just ask myself if it is useful.” He did not see himself using last week’s strategy to reframe his feelings, just like some of you may not have. We discussed how different strategies work better for different people, and that he just happened to use the second strategy I will be talking about.
Strategy 2
Ask yourself: Is this thought useful?
Last week we established that just trying to suppress a negative thought or telling yourself not to think about something does not work. We can’t control which thoughts “bounce around” in our mind.
Eric Barker, who runs the blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree, explained in a recent post that though we can’t control which thoughts pop up in our mind, we can control the thoughts we focus on. “You’re the thing that decides which thoughts are useful and should be taken seriously,” he writes, “You’re not your brain; you’re the CEO of your brain. You can’t control everything that goes on in ‘Mind, Inc.’ But you can decide which projects get funded with your attention and action.”
Seeing yourself as the CEO of your thoughts gives you control over what you spend time thinking about. The next time a negative thought pops up in your brain, ask yourself: “Is this thought useful? Is it worth spending my time on it?”
As Eric Barker says: “If it is a reasonable worry, do something about it. If it’s irrational or out of your control, recognize that.” Studies in neuroscience have shown that this small decision can reduce worry and anxiety.
The idea is not to ignore and suppress the thought but to evaluate it. “Am I really hopeless at interviewing and never going to get a job? No. I had a bad interview today. I have to improve the way I answer a few questions…”
Asking yourself if the thought is useful forces you to use a different perspective when looking at yourself. Become the CEO of your mind, consider if the thought is improving your “company” or if it needs to be dismissed.
This week, try this strategy. When you find your mind wandering to negative thoughts, ask yourself: “Is this thought useful?” If it is not, drop it. If it is, do something about it.
Stay tuned for next week, where I will introduce the next strategy to maintaining a positive attitude.
Miki Feldman Simon, Founder & CEO IamBackatWork